PREGO*SAUCE: Not in my cards...

This morning I woke up feeling like SH:T!!! I felt overwhelmingly hungry and nauseated at the same time... but that's because I ate late!!! Don't you hate that? (((UGH))) anyway... Then I realized that I was feeling this exact same way last year, but that's because i was PREEEGGGNNNAAANNNTTTTT :D there were only a select few that actually knew about it at the time, n i'm kinda sad that i didn't publically share my pregnancy from the get-go so... lets take a trip down "memory lane"...

A few years ago i had went to the Doctor cause something was "off" with me... My monthly "visit" was more like a semi-annual one... and the more infrequent it became, the more the LB's I packed on (((eye roll))) So i figured, something had to be up.

Took a trip to the dr, had some testing done and was diagnosed... It wasn't anything life threatening but while the doctor was setting my expectations she still managed to deliver an unexpected blow... "It will more then likely be extremely difficult for you to become pregnant." (((head drop... heart break... MAJOR SAD FACE)))

You see, at the time I had just turned 20 and even tho i had already been w/ my main squeeze for a long time... i wasn't even thinking about having a baby!!! My excitement was building for my 21st bday... being able to hit the bars, clubs, drink at sporting events, ALL THAT!!! but when the dr said that, man (((Pause... exhale))) i suddenly felt like i was in a movie... i could see that she was talking but couldn't hear what she was saying and got that sudden tightening in my throat like a ball had just been shoved down there or something... I walked out DEVASTATED!!! Just because i wasn't ready to be a mom at the time, didn't mean i didn't want to EVER be one... 

Anyway, my BF had gone with me to the appointment but waited for me in the lobby.  I was pretty silent up until we got into the car then i laid it on him. I guess i didn't really think it would have much of an impact on him, so i was beyond surprised when he got so sad about it. He comforted me n did everything to cheer me up, but i couldn't help but think that it would one day negatively impact our relationship!!! I was determined however, not to let myself fall into a sad slump... Cause the year prior to me being diagnosed was filled w/ a ridiculous amount of unfortunate events and sad times. So i counted my blessings and put the "bad news" to the very back of my mind... yet still managed to convince myself that "extremely difficult to get pregnant" meant "You'll never get pregnant!!!" (((STUPID MIND!!!)))

Now i hate to leave you hanging... but i'm going to have to break this up into separate posts, so this is where i'll end it for today. Sorry but i just don't want to sacrifice any details that are important to me... so you'll have to come back for more ;)

Hope you do!!! 

<3