YUCKO, bumbo...

With shows like TEEN MOM and 16 & PREGNANT i can't understand why girls are still out there "spreadin 'em," (((unprotected-ly))) like having a baby ain't no thing!!! I mean aside from the fact that the only way you're baby is coming out is if you're V "opens wide" or someone splits you virtually in two to take him/her out, there are some very important things you need to consider BEFORE having a baby! Like the fact that they need a whoooooooolllleeee lot of stuff and sh:t happens... which brings me to todays story...


So on Monday my mom was having a procedure done on her back. After it was done i brought her back to my house to rest. Leo (my son) and i did the usual and hung out in the living room watching "Word World." After about an hour of just hanging out, i wanted a snack... so i grabbed Leo and his bumbo and we headed into the kitchen. 


For those of you who are unfamiliar w/ the Bumbo, its a chair that helps babies, who haven't quite learned how to sit up on their own, sit unsupportedly. When we first got it, i thought "man, this is AWESOME!!!" Leo loves to roll around and be on the floor but can't always be there, obviously. So we  occasionally put him in his bouncer or swing... but unless he's ready for a nap, he doesn't like to be in them cause they don't sit upright enough for him. Thats when the Bumbo came in and saved the day... (((TEMPORARILY))) then i found a reason to HATE IT!!! (((back to the story)))

I put Leo in his Bumbo, place it on top of the table and sit down next to him with my snack n eat... After about five minutes of enjoying my DELICIOUS wavy bbq lays n cream cheese, I look up just in time for my son to look me square in the eye... Our gazes were locked! Suddenly he got very still, quiet, and had an eerily focused look in his eyes.... thats when i heard it! A sound that made me drop everything, jump out of my seat and lift him from his, all in one instance!!! MY BABY WAS DROPPIN A TWO-SIE!!!

Now, he doesn't "go" everyday and he's breast fed... so the consistency n amount is not something we need to get into, but I will say it isn't something you want anywhere other then in a diaper!!! Unfortunately EVERY single time we have him in his bumbo, it seems to creep up his back (((INSTANTLY)))!!! So if you think my reaction to the "sound" is ridiculous... then just keep reading...

So I'm holding him over my right arm and run my left hand over his onesie and back. Didn't feel anyting-GOOD SIGN!!! Then i started unbuttoning his onesie (while he's still draped over my right arm) with my left hand... Pull his shirt half way up his back and came up with 3 fingers covered in... "YUCKIES!!!" AAAAAAHHHHHH! 

DIRTY BABY IN ONE HAND... POOPIES IN THE OTHER!!! Can we say HANDS FULL?!? (((EEK))) My mom was KNOCKED OUT from her procedure-there was NO waking her up and my main*squeeze was still at work... so i ran to the restroom, which was luckily open, and turn the faucet on with my elbow so i could wash my disgusting hand off... again while Leo is still slumped over my right arm... Maneuver his shirt off him, bathe him, and change him... (((sigh)))

How i managed to keep from PROJECTILE VOMITING is beyond me! I LOVE my baby*dude and would undoubtedly do ANYTHING for him, but i sure could have done with out that experience!!! And while i still think it's a great product, i would really love for someone to explain to me why this horrible event only takes place in his bumbo... it has never happened in his swing, stroller, bouncer, or car seat... JUST HIS BUMBO!!! (((EYE fuccin ROLL)))

I hope you at least got a laugh out of my misfortune... but if you think having a baby is easy breezy...THINK TWICE!!!