PREGO*SAUCE: This song makes me MELT

YAY... I'm pregnant!!! No, not again... but that's where we're at in my story. So far i've taken two tests to confirm it and Tony (((My BF))) is ready to jump in the car and go tell his mom, but we're gonna skip that... for now at least. Because today marks a very special anniversary for me, and i want to be able to tell that story before the day is done :) So lets jump back into the story...

July 19th 2010

I took a half day at work but was still desperately waiting for the day to be over. I felt like crap! I wasn't eating, all smells were way too intense for me, my nausea was no joke and i just wanted to sleep!!! Feeling the way I did, you would never have imagined for me to be walking around with such a huge smile... it was because I had a doctors appointment. Not just any appointment, but the appointment of a lifetime... one that was hopefully going to change my life FOR-EH-VER!!! (((Squints voice))) 

I was just about done with my day when i got a text from Tony saying the car key was stuck in the ignition and wouldn't start... (((WTF-GREAT!))) We were supposed to meet at the doctors office... Now i had to rush and go in the complete opposite direction to pick him up and hopefully beat traffic on the way back to make the appointment. (((AAAAHHHHH!))) I got out of work even earlier, jumped in the car and headed in his direction.

One thing you'll come to know about me is that i pretty much NEVER drive. If I am driving, its because i ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO!!! Its just so nerve wracking to me! And because now i was driving a greater distance then i had planned, RUSHING, while feeling like sh:t... my mind decided to fucc w/ me.  I kept thinking I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT... THEY'RE GOING TO MAKE ME RESCHEDULE AND BE BOOKED FOR MONTHS TO COME... and the thoughts just got worse and more ridiculous! WHAT IF THE TESTS WERE WRONG (?) WHAT IF I'M NOT EVEN PREGNANT (?) 

I don't think i have ever gripped a steering wheel as hard as i did that day because i was sure that someone was going to hit me and i was going to lose what ever chance i had at having a baby... I'm not kidding, i know its dramatic but its exactly how i felt! I was a WRECK and like most WRECKs do, i started crying!!! I cried up until I got to Tony's work and he took over... Thank Diosito (GOD) for him!!!

We didn't really say much on the ride there... we were both nervous and anxious to get there. Thankfully, luck was on our side... we made it to the Dr's office a lil late but they were running behind schedule anyway. They immediately had me go to the bathroom to leave a "sample" and sat us in a room.  We waited for what seemed like 10 billion years and the doctor finally came in. "Hi, I'm dr. Kotian... you must be Amber... and this must be DAD!!!" It took Tony a second but he finally looked up. The Dr was like "ummm, you are dad right?" He smiled back at her and said "yeah, its just so crazy to finally be hearing that." She said, "well congratulations to the both of you... you are definitely Pregnant!"

She asked us a few questions and went over our medical history.  She asked me how far along i thought i was. I told her about my ongoing issues w/ my infrequent monthly "visit" but told her i thought i was probably around 6 weeks because i had read that is when most women begin to experience morning sickness... So she sent us into another room for an ultrasound. I changed into the ridiculous paper robe they gave me and we waited.

Dr. Kotian came in and pulled out this PROBE and proceeded to slip a condom on it... (((UUUHHH WTF?))) I was like B:TCH what do you think you're doing with that??? (((in my head of course))) Then she explained that in order to get the best reading of how far along i was, she would have to INSERT IT (((GASP))) but assured me it was much more intimidating then it looked and it was barely even going in... WHATEVER, lets just get this over with!!! 

She starts pointing out all this stuff i really didn't give a sh:t about. This is your blah blah blah, and this is your not important, not important... and "this tiny little flicker is you're baby's heart and this is you're baby... and from the looks of it you're about 7 weeks and 5 days."

Tony gripped my hand... He looked me square in the eye and we both smiled from ear to ear. I don't know that I've ever felt so calm and excited at the same time. There was this tiny little jelly bean inside of my pansita that was going to grow into a little human... and we made it!!! Just the two of us... (((and Diosito))) NO ONE ELSE!!! I couldn't begin to imagine my that my <3 could feel any more content and thats when my ears disproved those exact thoughts... 

It was the absolute sweetest sound i could have ever heard in my life.  The sound of OUR very first baby's heart beat. MY HEART MELTED and the look on Tony's face...PRICELESS!!! This "noise" made me realize that my dream had finally came true. I was finally going to have a baby... and not just with anyone... but with the person i fell head over heels in love with when i was just 13 years old!!! 

This day will forever hold one of my greatest memories. This picture... This sound clip... They mean everything to me. I even put my ear to my baby*dudes chest today, just so i could hear that sound that means so much to me... I think Weezy said it best, "I LISTEN TO HIS HEART BEAT BECAUSE IT PLAYS MY FAVORITE SONG!!!"

til next time...

xO <3